Fuck you Fridays
Do you have a poncho?
Who in their sweet mother fucking minds invented ponchos? Let's give that dickwad a blanket and a pair of scissors. And while we are at it how about a prize. Now. Let. Me.See. "The Wraith: Shangri-La" by Insane Clown Posse should do it, that bunch of retard, trailer-trash, pre-apocalyptic head fucks. They're pretty much like every other mofo with half a brain cell and well inbred genes who thought they knew what music is. May they be banished to a Michael Bolton clone invested hell where Starship (who built this city on crap and assholes) and Vanilla Ice are the supporting acts. Nice, nice baby. Where the fuck are you now loser?
Did you know that our alopeciatic friend who once sported a curly, thinning mullet and looked like he had sprung from the front cover of a bodice ripper, lost a plagiarism suit to the Isley Brothers. That fucken bastard cunt of a Bolton then tried to avoid paying penalties by buying the Isley Brothers publishing house. But what the MoFoHo didn't know was that the Isley Brothers are fucken legends in the hip hop community and they be brothers to the likes of 2Pac, The Notorious B.I.G., J Dilla, Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg.
So where was I?
Now I remember. I am holding my piss in. Which is a fine thing to do on a sunny Friday morning because after a while it becomes a battle of the mind versus the body. Your body is telling you need to piss but your mind is saying. No. Hell no. I won't go. Fuck you. I won't go. This is a systemic challenge. And my mind is stronger than my body. It's stronger than superman. Stronger than fucken batman and the joker put together dude. (That's the joker played by the joker who offed him self - pathetic loser. He should have used a shot gun and gone out in a spectacular fashion.) But back to holding your piss in. Now see how long you can keep that going without pissing in your pants. Don't do this at work in the event your mind doesn't win.
Before I bid you sweet fuckers adieu let me issue a challenge.
Next time someone asks you for directions try giving it to them with your hands wedged inside your pockets. (Only using a major eye frenzy and some head movements). Now try to do that without looking like a sneaky poes.
It will be one more useless talent to add to the arsenal of skills you call your life.
- Spyder.Redux's blog
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Comments
Ha ha Spyder
You have been nominated to take over Dex's role as the 'Friday Frontbottom' writer
Anyone want to second that..... say....... fuck it - say anything, I dont care.
You forgot
to take your pills again "fuckhead" if this is what you thinking, then you need help, plant a tree, if it helps .....
Spyder.Redux Keeping it in
A simple trick is to imagine something erotic that will give you a hard on. Physiological fact: During erection and orgasm, the sphincters (valves) of the bladder are tight and closed so that you cannot urinate while ejaculating. This applies to both sexes. This is not one of those useless pieces of information. It might safe you embarrassment or even your very life one day. Go on, you can try this at home. It is perfectly safe. At the office, what do you prefer?Going around with a hard on, or wet pants?
Another trick: avoid liquids. stick to solids.
Spyder.Redux Split Pants
I once saw a tsotsi, who thought he was cool, crossing a street with his hands in his pockets. He came to grieve, when a speeding taxi bore down on him, giving him such a big skrik, his tight stovepipe trousers split right down the middle at the back when he tried to yank his arms out of his pockets to balance himself to save him from an undignified tumble to the ground.
this is what I call
a good rant.
all over the fuckin place...but rant-worthy and entertaining, never the less.
Surprise. Surprise.
They talk.
Thank you for your highly esteemed opinion on my writing. Do you also offer discourses in logic?
No - I don't
but I can offer a full thrusted swing of a kick to the groin. Interested?
Aaah
bless.
Now, this is more like it.