The two loves of my life.
Is it really feasabile to really love two men at the same time? Both these men have been part of my life for the longest time...each with their own history with me. One offers me security, love, all the material stuff I need and want while the other gives me what I truly need...true, deep and meaningful love, a connection, spiritually, physically and emotionally. I could write reams about each one but I don't have the energy right now.
I am torn. And blessed. And cursed. I'm able to compartmentalize my life to accomodate these two men, but at some point I know, the one will start affecting the other and I don't want to jepordise either. I'm a selfish whore. I want it all. I have it all. And yet it's not enough.
- Tinkerbelle's blog
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PS: Tinks - just for the record ...um...which one gives
you the bottysex?
hehehe ;)
You asked a question - first line
Answer - hell YES.
That is all I am prepared to say on this topic.
The End.
Arb
You and I seem to the the only two here on the same page...as for your other question...you figure it out. Its not hard...
well God Tinks...I sincerely hope it WAS HARD...but
let's get back to your first question...coz it's been bugging the crap outta me....hold on...wanna read it again...
you asked is it:
Possible
Practicable
Viable
Reasonable
Realistic
Practical
Sufficient
I would say....
Possible - HELL..YES
Practicable - SO NOT
Viable - NO
Reasonable - pROBABLY NO
Realistic - what?
Practical - absolutely NOT
Sufficient - yes and no!
..
...
shallow, aren't you?
money and things vs "what i truly need."
hmm.
shame.
unless you are getting the money and things from someone who is in the Bill Gates league, it seems like a no brainer.
Kachasu
Yes, that's me. And it is a no brainer. You would be surprised, or perhaps not, to know how many women and men are in this very situation....leading "normal" lives, raising families, holding down good jobs...keeping it together for years. Monogomy is overrated.
no, monogamy is not overrated
not in my opinion anyway. been there, done that. on several occasions actually.
but then, i have also been a victim of a cheating husband.
the problem is that for men affairs tend to be about sex. for women they run a lot deeper than that. which is where the problem comes in. for a cheating husband with a loving wife and a bit of fluff on the side, this kind of dilemma hardly ever arises.
anyway - i think it's kind of sad to live a life where you have to juggle stuff and cover up lies. in fact, i have spent a few years making sure my life is not like that anymore.
Strange you say that KC
because I had some food for thought last night from a friend.
I was just wondering....
1. Will guys just have sex with someone even if there are no emotions attached. I know this is the general belief but is it true or does it depend on the guy involved?
2. Is there such a thing as no-strings-attached sex? So does having a friend-with-benefits actually work?
the zipless fuck?
not in my experience.
one or the other tends to get emotional in one way or another. unless it is just a one night stand - but then that is not friends with benefits is it?
i tried and the last time fuckbuddies worked i was about 21. and then he fell in love with me. NIGHTMARE.
sems
A lot of men - possibly the vast majority - can easily have sex without emotion, I think some even prefer it that way... But there are some who won't have sex unless there's an emotional connection, there aren't very many of them but there are some.
And yes, there is such a thing as no-strings-attached sex but it can only happen if both partners are absolutely certain that they don't secretly want something more...
KC/MJ
Thanks ladies.
I don't know. Can they really be that heartless that they can have sex with someone and not feel a thing? Im not talking about a one night stand but a friend whom they have the occasional shag with. Surely they have to feel something or they wouldn't be going to that person on a regular basis for a shag.
But I also think the no-strings thing only works for a little while and then emotions get involved. I dont believe that it can be that way forever.
Its all too complicated.
sems
men and women have fundamentally opposite expectations, requirements and everything else about sex and this is probably based on biological and genetic facts. men have virtually unlimited quantities of sperm and have the strong urge to spread it around as far as they can to ensure that their genes make it into the future. Women have limited eggs, and become very dependent (usually on men) while pregnant and with small babies. It makes much more sense for a woman to entrap one good specimen of masculinity to father all her children and take economic responsibility for her and her children. As a result women enter sexual relationships primarily looking for emotional stuff and security while men can easily and happily spread their genes around without needing to get anything else out of the relationship.
MJ
one good specimen of masculinity Ha ha ha... is there such a thing?
I suppose that makes sense MJ but it still doesn't make it right for a man to spread his seeds far and wide and not worry about anything else. There are other people involved and often times they tend to forget this. So they take 'go forth and multiply' literally :)
I remember something I read once... if a girl has a different boyfriend everyday then she is a slut but if a guy has a different girlfriend everyday then he is a stud!
yup sems
that social perception is true but i also think that in her heart of hearts she doesn't want to be a slut
and in his heart of hearts he wants to be a stud
it's only culture that defines things as "right" or "wrong" and culture can't (always) triumph over biology, instinct etc.
You are so right MJ
Its just the negative connotations around the word slut and I am sure she doesnt want to be one. No one wants to be branded a slut. But being a stud is like 'he's the man' sort of thing. He wants to be it.
Society dictating how we live and the way we behave, etc is so wrong and yet so many people prescribe to that way of life.
well sems
unfortunately if we didn't have a combination of culture and religion trying to keep us on the straight and narrow we'd probably stuff it up big time!
...not that culture and religion have been particularly successful at not stuffing things up!! ;)
MJ
I understand culture and religion being a guiding light that keeps us on the straight and narrow.
I do not understand how so many people live by what society demands... we all have to look a certain way, drive a certain car, live in a big house, earn so much, be in a relationship, not be divorced, etc to be accepted.
Ha ha. I've had my fair share of religious and cultural stuff-ups. I am the offspring of parents of different religions. I am not fanatical about either religion or culture but try to practice the 'rights' and stay away from the 'wrongs'. These are religions with very strict traditions and beliefs so I am always stepping on someone's toes. I am the rebel in my extended family (and my life is still pretty tame).... actually my cousin calls me the rebel without a cause. I always stuff up and Im not always culturally correct. Oh well!
ja sems
i also don't get why so many people buy into all that crap, i really don't...
i think religion and ethics and that kind of stuff is entirely personal. if we're lucky our parents set us a good example and that certainly helps but it doesn't always work. morality or ethics or whatever is either in a person or its not and if it's not, no amount of culture or religion or any other kind of pressure is gonna put it there...
Yoh! MJ
You saying I dont have ethics and morals?
I know what you are saying.
My parents set a very good example. I was brought up in a religious, cultural community. However, I believe that religion is a way of life and sets the 'rules' for right and wrong. I don't believe in the other stuff. For instance I do not believe that wearing pardah is going to get me any closer to God than me wearing jeans. I dont believe that me having long nails or wearing nail polish is going to change the core of who I am. Or blowing up innocent people is going to make me his right hand woman. I just think that some people just blow it all out of proportion. The fundamental rules to being a better person or leading a better life are important. The rest of it.... I dont think so. But that is my personal opinion.
I have morals and ethics but like you said, they are personal. What I believe you may not and vice versa. This is where I have a problem with some of my family. So I smoke and have a drink occasionally. I wear clothes that show the shape of my body or too much skin. I had a boyfriend I was living with outside of marriage (heaven forbid) who was across the colour line. Not Islamic to them. But on the day of judgement, I am going to be paying for my sins.... not them.
Its a tough one.
good grief sems!
i was SO not saying that!!
sorry it sounded like that to you...
i absolutely agree with you that being close to god has got less than nothing to do with what a person eats, wears, etc.
all i was trying to say is that those of us who are lucky enough to get a good moral example set by our parents (whether within a religious / cultural framework or not) might have a good head start in terms of acquiring moral values but people grow up in "good" homes and end up with no "morals" whatsoever... and others grow up in "bad" homes and end up just fine... I think that morality is not something that can be taught or instilled but something we - people - are either born with or not. that's all i meant!
I believe that if there is a judgement day (and I really don't think in those terms AT ALL...) but if there is, we will be judged on whether we have lived our lives with integrity, decency, fairness and so on and not even remotely on what we eat, who we sleep with, marry etc, the clothes we wear and all that other clap trap that humans love to associate with religion but actually misses the point completely.
Its all good MJ
I know you were not trying to say that. I was just messing with you.
Yes our parents are a good foundation for morals and ethics and I have learnt from my parents but sometimes it just feels like I have to cross the boundaries to experience life. My life has been too cocooned. I am also so sick and tired of people telling me how I should behave and that is when the rebel in me comes out.
Yep, I agreee totally. We will be judged on how we lived our lives and how we treated other people. I highly doubt that I am going to be condemned to the pits of hell for eating a piece of meat that was not halaal. Ha ha ha.
Thats a flaw of many. They focus on the trivial things and forget about the more important things in life.
Fucking hell mj
you had to go and do that, didn't you?
I wanted to prove it.
pffft.
you still can dex!
i'm just proposing the theory here and leaving the prac up to you...
Um, Girls
Yes - we can have sex without feeling any attachment.
I can prove it for ya?
Um, Dex
but for how long before the emotional attachment starts manifesting itself?
So where would you like this little demonstration to take place?
Um, Semi
well I'm prepared to carry on as long as it takes. It is, after all, in the name of science... or psychology, rather.
I was thinking we can start on the kitchen table, and then gradually cover the whole house, just to see if the environment has any influence.
Um, Dex
I am so glad that you are prepared to take one for the team and participate in this little experiment.
Unfortunately, the pay is not great but the work will blow your head, I mean mind.
I'll meet you on the kitchen table....
Semi - Seriously
Its not complicated at all. Depends how much pizza and beer is involved. Crikey, how many times do I have to say this?
Spoegs
Ok Spoegs, I'll bite...... lots of imported beer and great pizza. What happens then?
Oh shit here's Dex
I'm sure we can expect some namby pamby shwoozy woozy explanation.
spoegs
go fuck your pizza, boetie!
The adults are talking.
Sems, KC, MJ
Depends on the amount and quality of pizza and beer involved.
Spoegs
No beer and very poor quality pizza
Now go sit in the corner and.....
This is what
I don't understand....he says he has a great relationship with his wife, no problems at all...so why then?? But yes, you are right, as women we attach very different emotions to this kind of thing. We tend to over-think stuff and not just accept it as a good roll in the hay every so often.
Tink
my cousin is in a similar situation. Only he's one of the men. And it's killing him. So I'm a little unsympathetic at the moment.
Dolce
There are two adults invloved here. He can take care of himself. If it's killing him, he should have the balls to get out. It's his choice.
there's a kid
involved.
And so walking away would make him a cunt.
Which he's not.
Are your guys aware of what the situation is?
If yes, cool. Agree with you. If they're dealing with it, they're grown up enough to make the decision. If not, ag...if you can live with it, and the fall out, then so be it.
I'd just like the choice, if if was me.
Dolce
There are always other "people", Little or grown up, who could get hurt. That's what scares me. I don't want to hurt anyone. So, if either of these relationships should have to end...I'll take the rap. I'll be despised and dis-owned but that's a risk I'm willing to take. I've been on the reciving end of this tye of situation years ago only to learn that there are always two side to every story...each of us is giutly of something that drives us to wander....
I hear you sTinky
I am also torn between two loves. Beer and Quattro Staggioni pizza. They go so well together but if you have too much pizza you can't have lots of beer and vice versa. What to do, what to do.
sPOEgS
They say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach...clearly, this is the case with you. Whereas with NORMAL men, its through their dicks......you may want to have that little problem checked out.
Ja but sTinky
Last time I tried to eat Pizza with my dick I had to pour beer on Mr Zoopy to cool things down.
Spoegs
The problem is clearly one for a whole team of specialists. You are not well. Get help. And try not to help yourself so much....
sTinky-Poo
Thats why I'm here - to Blog about all my problems and get solutions from all the other people with problems about my problems. Sometimes I just make up problems and blog about them to get attention from all the other people with problems. See my problem?
Wow Tinks
Looks like you have yourself a little problem.
All I can say is.... enjoy them both :)
Semisweet
If only that little voice inside my head would shut the fuck up!!!
Tinkerbelle
Ignore it. Its just a nagging bastard.
Semisweet
I try to. Life's too short to think of long term onsequences...I may not be hear tomorrow....and making a choice, my God, I just couldn't. Like I said...I'm a slutty whore, and that's the long and short of it.
A slutty whore
as opposed to a not-so-slutty whore?
Yep, live for today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Tinks
Very possible. Not very practical.
Frankly
It is possible. I'm living it. Heaven and hell rollercoaster ride.