marijayn reviews the Third Door on the Right Stories…

Warning: De Beyaaitch is back!! Do not enter here, oh ye of fragile ego…

Dusty Muffin.
Dusty’s story is about an unexpected meeting between the wife and mistress of a player by the name of Richard. The meeting seems to take them both rather by surprise even though the mistress is well aware of the wife who is, on the other hand, unaware of the mistress. It transpires that the mistress has been involved with Richard on and off since school days when all three were at school together and there is some history there too. It also turns out that the mistress is single-mother to Richard’s son while the wife is on fertility treatment. The upshot of all this is that the mistress doesn’t feel like meeting Richard for drinks that night. This is more of a cameo* than a story but it is well-told and fairly evocative.

Nossie.
Here we have another player but this time it’s a doctor who has a penchant for seducing female patients in his consulting room, including Josie Johnston, our nineteen year old heroine. Her crush on the doctor culminates in bi-weekly quickies in the pretence that he is keeping a check on her sugar levels. Although the piece conjures up some intriguing quasi-pornographic images, it left me with a number of questions.

For one thing, what kind of girl is Josie? We get a good idea of how she has decorated her flat but we don’t have a clue of what she looks like. We also don’t know why she’s moved into her own place or what she does with her life. Is she a student or does she have a job? We are not told. But of more concern, is the ease with which she slips into the affair with the doctor and her preparedness to continue meeting him at work rather than after-hours when she (or her parents or somebody’s Medical Aid) would not be paying this stalwart example of the medical profession to make free with his patients. She seems quite satisfied to be merely a vessel for the doctor’s amusement and pleasure which takes place entirely on his terms. It’s not even likely that she could have been getting much in the way of sexual pleasure, given that he had to make it speedy and not allow his patient queue to back up too much. Eventually, after two years of this, she suddenly gets assertive and writes him a letter. A letter? Who writes letters in this day and age? Why didn’t she send him an email or broach the subject during one of her “sugar checkups?” Then, in the end when it transpires that the doctor wants to marry another female patient who has been under similarly specialist care for a year or so, she’s not in the least concerned on emotional grounds because she’s already lined up a “much better option.” It’s as though she doesn’t mind being a kind of commodity or useful thing to a man and men are not much more than that to her either.

And the doctor is pretty unbelievable too. For one thing, there are a whole lot of ethical questions raised by his seduction of patients during consultation and presumed further billing for subsequent appointments so that he could pomp them on a regular basis - or did he tell his office ladies that these frequent visits from at least two pretty young girls were (uh…) pro bono? Quite apart from that, there’s the sheer absurdity of him asking Josie to lie to his fiancé about their affair. It’s quite an amazing thing to ask and he doesn’t have the slightest guarantee that she will do it. In fact, we are left with the distinct impression that even though Josie feels that the “right thing” is to allow the couple to get on with their life, she will not in the end deny the affair. But even this implied attempt at self-assertion on Josie’s part is ultimately disappointing because it is driven by petty ego concerns on her part and not bigger matters such as the doctor’s total lack of ethics and professionalism or his shameless exploitation of woman.

Tarnished Lily.
Lily gives us another co-incidental meeting but this time amidst espionage and political intrigue in New York City. It is very late at night and a lady spy is off Broadway on a mission about which she is rather embarrassed. She quite literally bumps into a man who she recognises as the Nasty Bastard that she has been commissioned to play a central role in taking down. Before she can actually carry out her task however, she has to learn a crucial skill and she is indeed here on this night in order to acquire this necessary information and attend - wait for it - Seduction Lessons. This is also more of a cameo* than a story and although it is concisely and well-told, it kind of lacks credulity.

FranklyWrankles.
In Frankly’s contribution, the egotistical and sexually-obsessed Matt Esposito whom we have got to know rather well, makes another appearance and is then summarily taken out in a hijacking, managing to find something rather orgasmic about the process of dying. It then transpires that in death, even as in life, Esposito has more novel and just plain more choices available to him than the rest of us. He is met not by St Peter at the Pearly Gates, but by a beautiful woman with very noteworthy breasts who gives him the choice of three doors. He can go to heaven but only for a limited time (as long as his good karma lasts) or he can go to hell. Or, he can choose the lucky packet door which leaves it all to chance. Unsurprisingly, Esposito chooses the door of fate and behold, even in death he is given a chance at life! Kinda cool concept, with Frankly’s usual magical touch but something doesn’t quite hold together.

Fever.
Fever gets us very hot with her account of a techie trapped underneath a boardroom table and bringing his boss to orgasm during her meeting with critical investors in some major deal. Sex writing is difficult and all kudos to Fever for getting it right quite nicely here. What a delight that her story involves a man pleasuring a woman rather than just getting his own rocks off!

Arbchick.
This is the story of an unfortunate chap by the name of Paul who, dressed as Death, is attending a dress up party with one woman while another, his dead victim (I think…), struggles to realise that she is in fact dead. The motives for the murder remain unclear though there is a slight indication that they might be of occult origin. As with much of Arbchick’s writing, I am left feeling that I will never understand everything that she is saying. That’s okay though, I’m not sure that I need to. There is intensity and passion and something dramatic and compelling about her characters, their interactions and their dialogue which makes great reading anyway.

Semisweet.
I just loved Semi’s! Sure, there could have been some dialogue, Ramon, but I don’t know if that would changed the fundamental POW of it. I just loved the way you painted the whole picture of this bastard, Sems, and then - just at the point when something should have started happening – when the “story” should have started unfolding… BAM: your absolutely classic final sentence. Nice one girl!

Ramon.
Ramon presents us with a rather complicated saga involving teddy bears, blackmail, double-dealing and a little girl’s birthday party. It has the usual Ramon-style fast pace, high action and unexpected twists in the plot but is rather too long and difficult to keep track of at times.

marijayn.
A long-winded account about an adopted child’s search for her biological mother and struggle to love and accept her adoptive mother. This rambling narrative has one or two lucid moments but is far too long, excessively sentimental and suffers from a certain looseness of structure.

dex.
An addict suffering from withdrawal symptoms kills an old Indian lady in her shop because she has no money to give him and avenging spirits drive him to suicide. Just enough dialogue, the right amount of imagery, succinct and masterful. I am totally at a loss in trying to come up with even one feeble criticism…

* What I mean by “cameo” is a glimpse at a time and place, a situation. For me, a story needs more than that, it needs plot – things must happen, situations much change, people must grow…