Some times it just hurts so bad

So last night I had dinner with the ex-love-of-my-life. The only man I have ever loved. Probably, will always love. We split up three years ago but have remained good friends but I have been putting it off seeing him for months because he has been in a serious relationship for over a year now. Not sure I was ready to be confronted with that in my wounded single status.

I get a call two hours before dinner to say his girlfriend isn’t comfortable about us meeting alone. So I invite her to join, secretly hoping she will not come. But she does and has the good sense to give us an hour and a half to catch up first.

“You two are so much alike.” he tells me when he is describing her. Just what I wanted to hear.

The ex is so different now. He is bipolar and when we dated he refused treatment and meds which strained our relationship enormously. I did tons of research, found him a specialist but he refused to go. We split up. It was very, very painful.

A year after we split up he goes to the doctor I had recommended when we were together. He is now on meds, a completely changed person. Outgoing, confident, stable. Just wonderful. So I am slightly annoyed that the current girlfriend gets to benefit from my hard work.

Then she arrives, all petite and bubbly woman with grey streaks in her Shirley Temple hair. All natural like. Wonderful. She is just impossible to dislike. And they look so good together it hurts.

We ramble on about cars a passion we share. Kilowatts, torque, land speed records and the latest Koenigsegg speed monster. The girlfriend looks bewildered.
“You two are so much alike” she remarks. Just what I wanted to hear.
“Peas in a pod!” we both say in unison. A private joke we once shared.

They tell me how they spent their one year anniversay. In Franschoek. Our special spot. At Reubens, my favourite restuarant. Two hours later, the loneliness on my side of the table quite palpable now, I make lame excuses about returning emails. We split the bill three ways.

We get up to leave and I hug them goodbye at the door as I do with everyone. The girlfriend and I park on opposite sides of the restaurant. He instinctively starts walking me to my car. I stop dead and turn around to face him. I see the puzzlement on his face, then a smile and a knowing glance. His girlfriend entwines her arm with his and they turn around and walk away together. Arms firmly around each other.

Man that stung.