Love and Anger

You know, the wiser part of me thinks it’s just not worth it. But the stubborn part says that Franky is respected by the majority of the blog community and she was just defending her blog friend Dolce. So here’s my side of the story..

To put in context, here’s Franky’s comment to Mica:
“Dolce was in the dumps. Something about her boyfriend going off or something and old dick head was given her his best psycho advice about how not to show her anger or something like that. Or not to misplace her anger or rage or whatever. … Very patronising. … Hardly empathetic. … But could be that I over reacted given I think he's a bit of a loser.”

Now given that Dolce and I have a history which Franky has no idea of, and that we are actually good friends, her shooting from the hip was just so mis-placed that I got really angry. Called her a hairy troll (which was totally justified).

But aside from the personal sniping between me and Franky, the issue was one of whether a comment is patronising or empathetic. Dolce knows that I have HUGE respect for her. Christ, we went out for a whole year and even after we broke up I still believed (still do at some level) that the break-up wasn’t the last word and that we could get back together and have a really amazing relationship. But you see old troll-girl has no knowledge of what goes on between us so she just jumps in guns blazing and calls me the usual insults (wanker, loser etc.)

But actually Dolce didn’t take my remark as patronising (or at least she was too polite to say so) and in her typically gracious way she took time to think about it. And my remark was made from a genuinely caring place. If Franky bothered to try and understand the quote then she would see that what I was saying was NOT that Dolce shouldn’t get angry – not at all – but that rather that love often happens in the places where that anger is quenched (ie. met, understood). All that rage and passion which goes into anger (and let’s face it, old Frankles has rage and passion in abundance) can just carry on devouring and devouring and become a “tiger of wrath”. But what happens when it’s validated, understood, comforted and channelled into softer feelings? Well, often it’s love that happens.

So my slightly cheeky comment to Dolce was that she should watch who she gets angry with because if that anger is validated and contained then she could very well fall in love. Which admittedly is quite a comment to make to someone who’s just broken up with someone. But given our history I certainly don’t think it qualifies as patronoising - and wasn't received as such.

But as for patronising, well it will be name-calling to say that Franky’s comment to Dolce was patronising but that’s exactly what I think it was.
“I can't tell you how much I wish the right man would come along just to whisk you off your perfectly cute little manicured toe nails, through you down on your bed and then shag the life out of you. (But not leave in the morning. Just stay.)”

Ah sweet you say. But wait. Those “perfectly cute little manicured toe nails” just strikes me as waaaaay patronising. Not respect you for your fabulous intellect, love you for your big heart and your irrepressible sense of humour but have his way with you and then hang around afterwards.

Call me whatever you want, but I'd wish more for Dolce than that. And yes, Mica, she is probably out of my league. And she is the main reason that I hang around here but not the main one. I do enjoy reading Franky's writing and Dex's and Ramon's etc. etc. and even though I find the name-calling really tedious it's a fun place to be. So to answer your question, Mica, no I don't think I'm going soft in the head. I'm just calling it as I see it. And if people around here think I'm a loser for doing so then whatever.