The Friday Frontbum episode VI: Feelosoffy
Shit. Do I have a hangover or what. But it’s not my fault see. We had people over for dinner last night, and I was instructed to do my Famous Cheeken (no not you, Arb, though it can be arranged) and everyone knows that both the cook and the cheeken needs to be well marinated for it to work. And boy, were we marinated. The cheekin in a garlic/wine concoction, and me in Heineken (in honour of Frankly I deviated from my usual Amstel for the night). And I am happy to report that once again there were ooohs and aaahs aplenty over my dish. My only dish. It’s taste was surpassed only by its cromulence.
But enough with the chicken already. Death is coming and I don’t have a *thing* to wear. So last week I asked for rain and Nature listened; on Friday night we had the most beautiful thunderstorm in a long while. For my next trick I will ask for serenity. And money, lots and lots of money. Here we go. Gimme some fuckin’ serenity and a heap of cash, quick!
Now, we wait.
..
...
....
Nothing yet. But I’m sure Nature is working on it. Hey I wonder if this is screwing up my aura, asking for stuff like this. I mean Pavlov said every action has an equal and opposite reaction, right? Or was he the one who said “woof” and licked his balls? Either way, the point is, if I just get stuff for free, it means this stuff is being taken away from someone else... and surely taking things from other people can’t be good for one’s aura. Hmmm. Ag physics is al nonsense anyway. It was dreamed up by the Illuminati to prove the philosophers wrong.
Nietzche was a Kant. Will to Power my ass. I wish Eskom had the will to power.
But enough sweeping generalisations for one morning, I think. Wait, one more:
You’re all so lovely and I hope you have a lekker weekend
Yours in trepidation
dex
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Comments
you call THAT spading?
aiy yai yai yai yai....
boy! Do you need some help in that department!
Tell you what......I think, you are the kinda guy where the proof of the pudding is in the eating.
Babes - ag, leave the 'chips and dips' for those dipshits who are 'too full' for dessert ;)
oh and Arb
you are no mere dessert. You are the fuckin restaurant, baby. Without you NOTHING happens.
(how's that one? a little better?)
yeah! better Dextralish
and...you called me baby.....*drool*
PS: 'You are feeling sleeeeppppy......veeeery sleeeeppppy'
Nope!
I'm not! I'm not I'm not I'm not!
I leave sleepy time for when I'm at work.
of fuck I probably shouldn't say that.
Errr.
Cromulence?
dunno....BUT!
If you say 'but' one more time...I'll NEVER fall asleep!
*pinch*
oooh! naughty!
well since you're not here.... where's that fucking cat... heeeereee kittykittykitty... i wonder if it will sit still while i shave it...?
OR...you've got that licking hound haven't you?
that could come in useful......*blegh*
eeeeuuuwww
I have no response. You are just nasty!
awww!!
I expose the most romantic bone in my body and this is what I get!
I do believe I will slit my wrists, eat some rat poison, um, hang myself and shoot myself in the head now.
Twice. Yes - I will shoot myself twice.
Oh yes, then there's the hosepipe thing with the car. But scrap that - the price of petrol is just outta control.
sies, Arb. You could at least have lied or something.
oh....hehehe..the most romantic bone in your body eh?
didn't you leave an 'r' out?
hehehe....
butbutbut Arb
romanticr doesn't make any sense at all... oh wait, it does. "Choose me! I am WAY romaticr than Spoegs - I'll take you to Spur instead of KFC"
Yes. It makes perfect sense. All apologies.
"Secret Tribe ey?"
N-I-C-E.
Yeah.
that my piece dey restist stance. (that's Italian, by the way) - babe - how about some secret tripe?
works every millionth time.
Ag come on sugar!
I gave you a compliment! Read between the lines man!
Oh, and if you're gonna shoot yourself, make sure the safety catch is OFF!
If you're gonna slit your wrists - it's vertically, not horizontally, kay?
Eating rat poison...well, that may just result in convulsions, emergency room, stomach pump...not a good idea..you may live, and that would be a leetle embarrasing.
Hanging yourself - again, if you're planning to tie the rope onto anything made after 1940 - forget it - cheap, plastic shit breaks before you're done.
May I suggest, driving your car, into the ocean?
Ooooh, that's right! You don't live, near the ocean....bummer! Ag well, there's always Bruma Lake...Zoo Lake......??
Thank you, Arb
for the advice.
but you were supposed to say "oh no! don't do it! we luff you! I luff you! I'll show you my boobs!" Dammit. Another email not received, I think. (if you get one with the subject 'How To Respond to dex's Cries for Help' please read it next time)
pffffffffffft.
And where the hell
is that Arbchicken. I put up such a nice spade here, and not even a peep.
Rejection - thou art my shadow in the moonlight.
A word
I can hear AND feel - cromulence...
Indeed, Jo
Fantastic, isn't it. So versatile it makes me want to take cold showers.
Hey Joe... where you going with that gun in your hand... arrggghh.
Ya gotta get it right Bruce...
Nietzche was a Kant
The Philosophers' Drinking Song
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, [some versions have 'Schopenhauer and Hegel']
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whisky every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And René Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.
Eric Idle
Ah.
I drink therefore I am...
...dancing
...waking up next to Dolce
...in jail
...in jail next to Dolce
...at Gary's house trying not to look bored
did I miss anything?
Agter traalies
Jeez Dex.
What did we do?
They caught us, Dolce
with that fucking donkey.
That's the last time I listen to one of your suggestions, thank you very much.
The donkey
made me do it.
Eeyore is one sick muthafucka
Eeyore?
Thats a silly name for a Donkey.
Let's rather call him Katey. What do you say?
Sjoe Dex?
Are you sure? I know Katey Did It, but I'm fairly sure Eeyore was a boy.
Who says
you can't call a boy that? My real name is Barbara, you know.
Yes Dex
I've always wondered about you and the plaid shirt brigade. And now I know.
Damn. I should have guessed. You're a girly boy.
Franks
I have no response to that. Keep the fuck out of my closet. There's only space for one in there. (as much as it pained me, I HAD to say that before you could)
Dex
So where do you keep your donkeys and other pets then?
Well Franks
In the pen, of course. The play pen.
Barbara?
More like Bra.bra.hubbahubba.
Dingbat.
haha Dolce
you a funny blogger.
But if you ding my Bat i'll kill ya.
Speaking of bad animals
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIcrCZQkSlg&feature=related
Weeping with laughter. Weeping.
Dolce
Ricky Gervais. Damn. I love that man. Love him.
Hey Dex
HOW'S YOUR HEAD CHINA? ARE YOU FEELING BETTER. CAN I GET YOU SOME ANCHOVIES AND PEANUT BUTTER ON TOAST?
Dolce
sies, bitch!
I think I need a regmaker. Leg of the cat or whatever, you know. Back on the horse. Milk the donkey. All of that.
Milk the donkey?
que?
That's not
what I said.
OPTOMETRIST.
That IS
what you said:
"Milk the Donkey"
It's right there. In the comment above the one above this one.
And I'm asking:
Que? What? Huh?
Sies!
It's NOT
what I said. Its what I TYPED.
What I said was "damn that Dolce's a sexy thing"
See? Que se gat.
dolce
that is really not what he said.
sies dex. not for girl consumption.
cromulent. very cromulent.
See Dolce
Aslam is concentrating. Clearly you are not.
Wake up and smell the pajamas.
No man okes
Are you halucinating?
And jesus, Dexter. If you're milking donkeys, I sure and buggery don't want to smell your pajamas.
indeed.
especially not with those pink panther ones.
you wear pajamas dolce?
Ja
sommink jus like this:
very
erm.. fetching.
[gulp]
open back?! you wild thing you.
suppose it is better than the old full length "kry niks nie" flannel ones.
Thank God
He's not milking his snake...
Just make an ass outta yerself
Dolce
see? it happens.
And Gary. Please man. You can't type random words and expect them to have any type of significance. Stop being weird.
Gumtree.
Dunno Dolla
That could me a male...
Que then Dex?
Well see
Donkeys need lovin' too.
Jesus, Brokeback Boy!
I know ol' Heath is no longer with us, but c'mon man - even you can do better than a donkey.
Even you, Dex, even you....
Awww so nice
to have someone who believes in me.
Thank you Gerrie. Just for that, you'll have your turn too. After the donkey. Both should be equally gross.
Can't help it man...
I'm just many of these guys:
Errr yes
Now tell us something we didn't already know.
Chicken, Deks.
Seems every man has his own 'wenresep'; en ja, altyd dronk voor die gaste kom...
Ja Ramona
Drink die fokkers interresant, ek se.
Dex
TGIF....but then I have an 18th birthday bash to arrange...400 boys at a rugby club in the area....4 big burley bouncers...all girls are welcome (invites not necessary) , no boys from rival schools allowed....I can't wait!!not.
Ouch, Nos
Sounds like there's gonna be nosebleeds and puke all over... have fun! (hahaha)
Dex
Inveriably, that's what happens. But hubbee and big scary red-haired "kid" plus 4 bouncers should be able to take care of things. I'm going home after dinner......it's a guy thing, from there on.....
Dex
I think you where thinking of Newton.
To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Pavlov got his dog to salivate. Which, let's admit. Isn't the hardest thing in the world to do.
(Actually it was all about a trained stimulus. How you can get a dog to drool on command. But give me a Heineken or a wicked pair of black shoes and a short skirt and I could pretty much do the same thing with a man.)
VISUAL::LIZA
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
V:L
I know that. I was being ironical.
Sheesh.
And about the salivating. Experiment on me. PLEASE.
Dex
You want me to spit on you?
VISUAL::LIZA
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
YES VL
You spit on me, and Dolce can pee on me later.
Pffffffffffft.
Dex
And you have the nerve to say my dreams are weird.
VISUAL::LIZA
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Jeez Dexter
Or was he the one who said “woof” and licked his balls?
You wish!
You'd never leave home.
Dolce
woof... *crack*... chiropractor.
*Snort* Dex
Why does this remind me of that silly rhyme?
Old Mother Hubard went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone
But when she bent over
old rover took over
and gave her a bone of his own.
*giggle*
oh man Dolce
you crack me up today.
Nice to have you back.