The Friday Frontbum episode B, section 4.1(f): Focus

SO this girl I know got hurt pretty badly this week – solid wooden garage door became unstuck and pinned her on the ground, breaking her collarbone. A friend’s kid writes her a sweet, misspelled card - “Hello Natalie, hope you fell better soon.”. Cracked me up. Ain’t it just the truth. Fall better you stoopid woman, then you won’t have to go to hospital. Poor girl.

Anyway.

I have instructed my wife to get rich quick, ‘cause this 9-5 idea really just doesn’t suit my lifestyle anymore. And I wish it would rain a little. Its so dry, this morning one of my plants licked my ankle. Poor thing – leaves all cracked and wilted, leaning towards me as far as its little stem would let it, and *lick*. “Do I look moist?” I asked it, but it ignored me. Going to uproot the little shit tomorrow – DON’T get uppity with me in my own garden. That’s rule number one, but the little fucker will learn that lesson soon enough.

I’m sure there was something I wanted to say.

Err... (check the bluff – I got nothing...reaching... reaching... ah! Got it.)

There’s this chick at work. She sits across from me. She is pleasant, happy and enthusiastic about everything she does. Everything. All the time. Am I being clear? Do you understand what I mean? I mean this woman probably wipes her ass with a cheerful disposition, resolving to get the thing perfectly clean in one less wipe next time: “I can do it! I know I can. Its all about focus. And by saving 5 squares of paper, I am helping the planet, too!”

I think I am going to murder her.

But she’ll probably give advice while I’m doing it. “Do you have an alibi, dex? Don’t you think you should finish this in the bathroom, or outside, or some tiled room? Did you sharpen your knife? Have you given thought to body disposal? You should really focus more, dex, focus is the key to success. Focus, hard work and planning. You must be single minded to achieve your goal...”

At that point I will probably commit suicide. I couldn’t stand her long enough for her to bleed out.

And so we come at the end of another edition of The Friday Frontbum. Don’t cry, dears, just 6 short days until the next one.

Yours in unfocusedness,
dex.