Nurse Tomoko was pushing Janine in the wheelchair; they took a left outside the bathroom, and were cruising down the west wing corridor, the rear wheels screaming over the polished hospital floor. ‘You must be starving. Let’s get that toast and apricot jam I promised you.’

They were about to pass the room where Janine had woken up in, when Nurse Tomoko stopped at the entrance and stuck her head inside. Cliv-O had just finished cleaning, and was busy packing up. ‘Nice job, Clive. Change the sheets, too, while you’re at it. Your amigo, Dan-the-Man, has … evaporated it seems.’

Cliv-O didn’t answer; he pretended not to hear, but gave himself away by mumbling something about unfairness.

‘That’s friends for you, Clive—’ Nurse Tomoko said, pausing for effect by shrugging her shoulders, ‘—some of them will fuck you through the ears, others will die for you by letting someone else fuck them through the ears instead of you—quite an earful, I know. Now, see my friend over here, Clive? Her name is Janine Wilkinson; she’ll never let me down because I really trust her. And I’ll never let her down.’ She winked at Cliv-O, and continued down the corridor.

‘You have lovely hair, Janine,’ the nurse remarked. The afternoon sun was blaze-weaving its light through and around the wrought iron-barred panels of some of the occupied rooms’ doors, highlighting Janine’s hair in streaks of reds and oranges, which reflected over, and covered the lower half of Nurse Tomoko’s face like a magical surgical mask. When they passed some of the empty rooms—doors wide open—sunlight bounced off the floor like a million liquid yo-yos, setting alight the faces of both nurse and patient. ‘Your hair smells nice, too,’ Nurse Tomoko added.

‘Abble.’

‘Yes, it smells like apple.’

‘You book bice, boo.’

‘Ha! Thank you. I can’t believe I had been walking around with my face all bloody like that. Those two losers must really think I’m nuts. Which reminds me—’ Nurse Tomoko gave Janine a steady push and let go of the wheelchair push handles. She took out her lipstick, and dabbed at her lips with a bit of cherry-red.

As if they had known each others for years, Janine slowed down by pushing down on the wheelchair’s hand-rims as soon as Nurse Tomoko caught up again, jog-walking.

‘Bo you bink I’b craby? I reaby hab an Aby, you dow?’

Nurse Tomoko took hold of the push handles again, and started walking with intent, ‘That’s why you are here, Janine; to find out if you are … I guess … psychotic. And yes, Janine, you have an Aby; I’ve seen her. She’s beautiful. And she’s wait—oops! Phew! I almost let that one slip.’

‘Wha’? Id dat de subribe you saib you hab bor be?’ Janine’s nails, though having been cut while she’d been asleep—some of them were bleeding—were digging into the padded armrests, she was so excited. She tilted her head back, but not far enough to see the smile on Nurse Tomoko’s face.
It was an honest smile with a hint of discouragement in one corner of her mouth: You know what I think, honey? I think you oughta be pretty fuckin’ nuts carrying a doll around with you all the time and calling it your daughter.
In the other corner of the nurse’s mouth sat doubt like a gravy-covered rice grain: You’re not crazy at all, Janine Wilkinson; you don’t remember a single event leading up to now, but you do remember two names, don’t you: ‘Amy’. You say her name with such love, honey, it breaks me heart into little fucking pieces. And ‘Doctor Shepherd’. You remember her very well, don’t you? I saw that look in your eyes back in your room. Are you hiding something from me? Are you fucking me through the ears? ‘No, Janine, that’s not the surprise I had in mind for you.’

Janine didn’t hear Nurse Tomoko’s reply; her neck had gone stiff and was starting to cramp, building up rapidly from everyday pins and needles to the point where it felt as if she had the locked jaws of two pit-bullterriers ripping out the back of her neck. She lowered her head, and tried to stretch away the pain in her muscles. It hurt so much that she had to swallow her groan.

They made another left and stopped at the hospital front desk. It was L-shaped with a three potted plants on each corner of the lime green Formica counter. From where she was seated in the wheelchair, Janine could see that they weren’t cared for; the leaves were dry and the flowers wilted (she couldn’t for the life of her remember what they were called). There was a calendar on the counter, too; Janine was still busy trying to figure out what the date was when a nurse jumped out in front of the wheelchair.

‘And just where do you think you two are going?’ The voice was of the out-of-tune organ type.

Janine thought the person in front of her was kneeling—that she had done a bit of a rock ‘n roll move by taking full advantage of the polished hospital floor and doing a good old pantyhose knee-slide. As the pain in her neck subsided, Janine realized that it was a nurse, and that she was roughly the same size as a Smurf—she wasn’t kneeling at all, and she would never have been able to do a pantyhose knee-slide because she looked eighty-five. Janine tried to read the nurse’s nametag but she couldn’t focus; she’d started to giggle and tears were welling up in her eyes.

The elderly nurse spoke again, louder than necessary, ‘Are you mute?’

‘No, we are not mute. As you can hear … the patient has a strong voice—’ Nurse Tomoko felt a fit of laughter rumbling in her stomach as well ‘—and we … we are not … deaf, either,’ Nurse Tomoko replied, suppressing laughter with a quick: ‘We are also on our way to the canteen. The patient hasn’t eaten in almost twenty-four hours.’ She felt her lipstick crack as she tried to keep a straight face, ‘We have an appointment with Doctor Shepherd at two, but I was wondering if we could postpone the patient’s MSE—’

Janine snorted, and started laughing out loud, slapping her knees with both hands.

‘Patient’s name?’ With pursed lips, which brought out the blonde in her moustache, Nurse Smurf removed a pair of glasses from her breast pocket.

‘Janine Wilkins—’

‘Out of the question. Absolutely not. I have strict orders to escort you to the clinician’s office at once.’ It took the elderly nurse a painfully long two or three seconds to balance her glasses on the tip of her nose and to get her nurses’ stare right; she was cross-eyed and stared at both Nurse Tomoko and Janine over her clear-rimmed glasses at the same time. She held up a wrinkled hand. ‘Doctor Shepherd has a meeting at three, and she won’t be available after that time. The patient can eat later. You have to come with me immediately.’

‘Pardon me for asking, but what if the patient’s Mental Status Exam takes longer than an hour? MSEs usually do take a little longer than sixty minutes, and judging by the dosage of whatever—’ Nurse Tomoko interrupted herself, ‘—would you please be so kind as to take a look at the patient’s chart?’ She pulled out the clipboard from behind Janine’s back. ‘I was a little confused by this, to be perfectly honest; there’s no indication of what they pumped into her body. Maybe it’s just me.’ Nurse Tomoko leaned forward, had a quick glance over her shoulder as if she was about to reveal a terrible secret, and whispered, ‘She either had a seizure when she woke up back there, or it was one of the side effects of whatever’s been running through her veins for the last twenty-odd hours. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, so I thought it best to ask someone with a little more experience than me. It is my first day here at the hospital, after all.’

The other nurse’s wrinkles vanished; she was so impressed by the younger Nurse’s request. She cleared her throat, and pushed her glasses up over a prominent, purple scar on the bridge of her nose. ‘Let me see that,’ she said, trying (and failing) to suppress any sign of enthusiasm in her voice.

Nurse Tomoko handed over the clipboard. It was true what she had said, that the older nurse had much more experience than her; she didn’t even have to scan the patient’s chart. Her eyes, clouded by that whitish haze of old age, immediately focused on the small font numbered forty-three: Drugs Administered Prior to Admission. ‘That is strange, indeed, Nurse…’

‘Tomoko. Nurse Tomoko. It’s such a pleas—’

‘Enough of the chit-chat, Nurse Tomoko. I’m Nurse Legrange. Can I have a word with you in private?’